No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
be right there i have to get my cape
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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