he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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