dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
