I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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