So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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