Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
