And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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