I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
