dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
too bad you live with your parents still
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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