sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
