if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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