what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
