I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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