I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
