i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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