and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
