mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
did i just pee glitter
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