It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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