I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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