omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Even my vagina gasped.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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