I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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