Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
