I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
