Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
