You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
