I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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