I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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