There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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