this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
