My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
