Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
where are my eyebrows?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
