A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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