the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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