Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
