I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
