I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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