Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
