Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
