I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
