Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize