You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
