just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
