I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
