It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Randomize
