Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
