he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
