So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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