He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
