Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
