I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
