Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
