my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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