this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
