I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
