Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize