Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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