what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
