He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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