Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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