This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
