It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Randomize
