What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Drunk is a universal language darling
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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