Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
