The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
