worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
