i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize