I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
