Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize